waffLe_tAy wOrLd

2006-06-14T12:02:00.000+08:00

Feeling imbalanced...

Im not a saint.. im not the kindest... the sweetest... the most caring... whatever a nice lady is..
i am angry, i am jealous, i am just feeling imbalance... why? a thousand millions why's keep popping out...

I think im insane... i really am...

Have been telling myself alot of things... but.. its easier said than done...
Been telling myself:
- Be Nice... but im not.
- Be helpful ... im trying, although deep down im feeling abit argH~ buay sOng!
- Be focused ... its hard
- Be cOoL ... im nOt

Dont understand what im writing? Its oKie.. for i dont understand what im yakking tOo...
HUMANS~~

Updates..

2006-06-09T22:07:00.000+08:00

I just realise i havent blog for a long time..
There are many many things i wish i had blog... but the list is far tOo long... some i have forgotten... everyday is a special day.. although it seems so routine.

I dont know why im feeling emotional... i wish i had someone to lend me a listening ears.. at the same time, i am very selective...
i dont know why i am feeling this way.. i feel very insecure.. i feel very stress.. probably a series of happening just came.. and i totally wasnt prepared for it...

I have a thousand and one wishlist.. the top on my wishlist is i wish i could escape... escape from many many things... escape from my work commitments, escape from my own emotions struggle...escape from all things...

2006-05-13T09:57:00.000+08:00

Wee~ actually feel gOOd... early in the morning...
Actually im suppose to study for my final theory at this moment... but the as usual ill-disciplined me [ arGH! i hate to admit it, but the fact is I am... ] is not doing it... instead i am viewing people's blog and here i am blogging...
Just have lotsa thoughts running in my mind.. so perhaps i will just jot them down before doing some serious matters.. hee...

I just get super irritated with people who ignores me.. no one like to be ignored.Here, i would like to say " im sorry" to those whom i have taken granted for...
I hate simply hate this feeling... if u regard me as a close friend.. dont treat me this way..
for it hurts.. it really does... if u dont need me to treat u as a friend i treasure, just one word from you, i will downgrade you instantly...
Normal friend, hi-bye friend u wanna treat me like that - i wont care...
I hate those feelings of being ignored... i really hate it...
I think it is very rude of people to not return people's call or sms... once is still Ok, but too frequently it simply implies you simply dont regard me or dont treat me as a friend, right??
Or you think you're XXX the Great... too arrogant, too proud to return a small fry's friend's call...
[ Here i am, i have to apologise to Roysten for not replying his Sms... heh... ] [ i think im slapping myself with the stuffs im blogging, haa... ]
Anyway, i am implying what i blogged above to one particular friend of mine... We had some unhappy moments... i have been trying to get you back as my friend.. if you dont think likewise, here i am telling you i will not try anymore... i shall from now on simply dont care tooo.... and i hereby declare i AM really ANGRY with you... what right do you have to make me so unhappy?? i really dont understand why i will react so strongly too.. i guess i really treasure you for who you are... and you as my friend.. a friend i never want to lose.. but here you are disregarding me as a friend.... sO tats it...
I shall also stop deceiving myself.. finding excuses to not be angry with you.

Just came back from my e-trial test again.. today only manage to do 2 papers.. passed 1 paper and fail the other... i am just so afraid now... im afraid i will not pass my final theory next tuesday... hMmz!!

Yesterday i had a great time video-conferencing with my eldest sis, belle... i really miss her alot... seeing her from her webcam just draws her slightly closer to me... [ ;( but nothing beats seeing her right infront of me ] My sis,Cloris and I had a hard time trying to figure how to get the mic working ... after trial and error a few times.. our hard work pays off.. heh!!!
Cant wait to fly there to visit her... but i guess i wont be going there anytime soon... also had to get her more settled there first... so she would be familiar enough to show us round.

Yesterday i had a great time with Lynn..Sherlyn...Mindy...Dennison and Lester... We had dinner @ Marina South - Steamboat... duppa crowded!! ... had fun eating... motherly Lynn is gOOd... she makes very yummy liver... [ just right kind.. not too tough.. juicy and tender.. ] and she is very very nice to help us peel prawn shells ... and all i do is eat eat and eat... haa...
After dinner... wanted to catch a movie...so travelled to the new cathay cinema... no tickets... then travel to Prince Shaw theatre ... and in the end we end up not watching any movies.. head to Party Box sit and play games... had fun!!

My mummy had a minor operation on Thursday.. the fact that i only after her operation just makes me scringe! makes me abit unhappy... makes me feel abit not filial...
Mummy went for her routine check up on thursday... and the doc found a lump in her breast that seems cancerous and suggest immediate removal... so she had it remove the very day.. She says she didnt inform any of us for she didnt want to make us worried... she didnt even inform my dad...
Hmmz... i dont know why... each time i think of this, i will just cry...
Have i been too preoccupied with my own stuffs till even such important stuffs ( i deem it as very important) my mum dont even dare inform me??
I love my mummy very very much... really alot... although she is duppa naggy.. duppa irritating at times.. duppa fierce... and most of the time, i am rude to her.. act like a spoilt brat.. anger her... deep down i know i really respect and love her.
I will just scringe whenever i recalls how i get to know about my mummy's operation. . i had to just for my driving... hence the moment my parents came back with the car, i hurried my brother to take over the car and we just drove off w/o properly greeting my parents.. the moment my mummy got down the car was to inform me she bought me dinner and ask me to come back to eat..when i came back after driving, she stopped the thing she was doing ( hanging our laundry ) and came to me and asked if i want my dinner heated up... i wasnt very hungry hence i kind of ignored her... and she not only ask me once but many times... Cloris then came and inform me that mummy had a operation earlier... then i realise how mean.. how bad... how nasty... how unfilial i was... [ slap..slap..slap..]
I quickly went to check how my mum was.. and she showed me her wound... it just pains me... to see her wound with blood... though she keeps saying its not painful anymore...
I really pray that she will be fine... the lumps in her breast will just end there.. no more cancerous lumps...

Yesterday mummy still cook us laksa for lunch.. see how nice my mummy is?? She is a great cook... that is a undeniable fact.. but the fact despite having an unhealed wound.. she still ensures when she has the time.. she will cook yummy food to fill our stomach just makes her the World Greatest mum...

I guess mummy is worried i will be a spinster .. yesterday while webcamming with my eldest sis, she was like telling my sis to keep a lookout for a eligible good man for me.. hahaha... see how cute my mummy is?
mums will always be mums... they are constantly worried for their children... worried the necessary and also the unnecessaries... haa...

I actually dont mind match-making.. haha.. those modern styles wan ya.. i dont know how it actually goes for i have never tried... i dont know how to explain.. but i just feel that if one day my mum wants me to go for a matchmaking session, i guess i will not reject her... no harm trying rite? Wats more, the man would have been approved by my mum... ;)

If only our emotions can be controlled by a remote control... if only our emotions can react logically like our mind... if only we can remove certain emotions and thoughts into recycle bin, then clear the bin once and for all.. that would be perfect... haa... yes, life then would be absolutely boring and predictable... but at least i dont feel pain.. i dont feel hurt... i would not do things that are irrational.. i would be a perfect lady...

What kind of impression do i give others? How others actually think of me?
I actually am a person who minds what others ( those i care and love) think of me.. sometimes i wish i am as cool as my eldest sis.. who live for herself.
Sometimes i feel that i live for my parents.. thank God my parents does not set super high standards for me to reach... i dare say i do live up to their expectation, not all though...

Hmmm.. Man and Women.. they are never equal!
Tats a sad fact...
Grandma's will always dote on their grandsons more than granddaughters... Yes, i am angry and jealous with this fact...
I actually dont care/mind when someone practice favourtism.. im okie with it if u dont make it so obvious...
Recently my grandma actually cooked a pot of noodles ( a tradtional "hing hwa" dish for my dialect ) for dinner... the pot of noodles consists of quite a number of ingredients such as .. chinese mushroom.. vegetables.. fish cakes.. clams.. prawns.. scallops.. pork..
My grandma would always scoop for my dad and my brother ( Son and grandson ma ) ... She would then scoop all the prawns..clams..scallops into the bowls for my dad and brother...
The girls would then scoop for themself... i get very duppa pissed whenever i see the pot of noodles with just mainly noodles..vegetables..fish cakes and a few slices of pork and chinese mushrooms... Duppa pissed..
I sound very petty, yes, i admit i am a petty women!
I actually voiced out one day about my unhappiness about that... She then want to transfer some of the prawns..clams.. into my bowl... ( dont she knows its too late? the fact that i already voice out means i dont care about eating the prawns or clams anymore...i then transfer those back to the bowl where she intends to place ) i know i would have made my grandma unhappy...some may deem me as disrespectful.... but i... i... just cannot take it... i am quite a straightforward person... i would voice my opinions out.. when im pissed or in a lousy mood... i would just tend to overlook the details of maintaining peace...
I enjoy the dish she cooked... but i am super pissed by this dish till i rather dont eat it...

2006-05-12T16:32:00.000+08:00

Finally back to blogging...
Havent blog for a long long time... i have been quite busy with my life... im happy with my busy life... though definately there are times when i actually feel lonely.. =( haha...

hMmm.. quite a number of stuffs happened...

.. i could go chill myself.. hee..
I went chill @ Coffeeclub express - Siglap myself... find it quite amazing.. for people who knows me knows i dont like to do things alone.. Its quite enjoyable actually.. sipping my fav drink and eating yummy country pie.. and being accompanied with a nice magazine..
feel quite proud of myself overcoming this.. haa..

.. New hair color ..
Recently went to cut my hair .. [ 1 inCh!! ] and new hair color @ Color Bar.. quite satisfied with it.. They're good..
I also went there to set my hair for my sis wedding.

..My sis weDDing..
Yes.. it was held on 30 April 2006..
Fun.. bUsy.. in the morning, daddy came down and told us he didnt feel the mood at all... haa... soon after the photographer and make up artist came... yea~ we felt the mood..
Cloris.. Peimin..and I were the" jie mei's" .. so we're very busy... had to make ourself look pretty and at the same time help my sis...
Maybe i shall post up the pics and let the pics do the talking.. heh..

..My driving..
Finally complete my 2nd module of driving.. yesterday started the 3rd modules.. will be doing all the circults courses.. it's more difficult.. yesterday lesson on S' course and Crank course was enough to kill my poor leg.. had a hard time controlling the car.. using the clutch to control... argh~~ the Directional change was worse... haa.. think my performance was really lousy... but my very nice instructor wasnt at all pissed.. he keep cracking jokes to destress me.. haa... make me relax..
By the time my lesson ends, there was a heavy downpour.. my very nice instructor was kind enough to lend me his umbrella... i gotta remember to return him this sat!!! ... gonna jot that down in my organiser in RED...
[ Have been very forgetful recently... ]

.. Final theory..
My final theory is this coming tuesday.. very nervous..
Wednesday i went for my 1st e-trial test.. hmmz... disappointing results... keep scoring 78 - 88 % .. thats FAIL lo!!! super nervous now.. i must aim to pass it the first time or... my whole driving course would be delayed becoz of that....
So... im gonna vist CDC again on Sat..Sun.. and Mon...to do my last minute revision... i think im damn kiasu... but i guess i had to la... hee...
* Wish me luck! *

..feel very pampered..
Felt very pampered by Roysten.. haa.. he is duppa nice... never ever once forgotten me when he is overseas... as a result... i am showered with many gifts.. many nice gifts... Thanks Roy...
One of the gift is an alarm clock... hee...he actually remembers i long wanted an alarm clock.. and he got me 1 that is very unique from Thailand... hence i no longer need to rely on people to wake me up from now on... he helped me leap one big step to being independent..

Have been trying hard to be independent... dont wish to be dependent on anyone.. and also i feel the need to grow up... heh...
Roy says i have grown up... =)

actually i still have lots to blog... but im too tired... and i gotta go get ready to meet lynn and rest...

2006-04-15T02:58:00.000+08:00

Junior moments (5)

2006-04-15T02:57:00.000+08:00

Junior moments (4)

2006-04-15T02:56:00.000+08:00

Junior moments (3)

2006-04-15T02:54:00.000+08:00

Junior Moment (2) - after hair cut

2006-04-15T02:53:00.000+08:00

junior moments (1)

2006-04-15T02:03:00.000+08:00

In Love with myself.. haa
As u may have noticed, i have just published quite a few of my self potrait pics... Perhaps the reason is im loving myself more... tats why... haa... [ Some may feel that im "Zi Lian" ... i cant stop or control how people feel/think about me... so, i have learnt to not bother so much... This is my personal blog, my personal avenue to my thinking , memories and thoughts anyway... ]

My driving...
I am enjoying every lessons of my driving.. each lesson is something to look forward to.. each lesson i learnt something new, and im a step closer to realising my goal of obtaining a driving license... im at my 10th lesson now... still half way through... hmmz...
Im lucky to have very nice and friendly instructors... or perhaps all the instructors are nice @ Ubi, Comfort driving centre?? ...
So far, one of the most memorable lesson is while learning to drive on the road, my tyre punctured.. and we had to change the tyre at road side... haa.. [ im not the one who cause it, i mean it!! My instructor says he suspect that there's a punctured tyre before the lesson but he did not attend to it... ] Quite a few funny incident with this particular instructor, Ken, already, and it seems like i always get taught by him...

Busy ..Busy..
These few weeks have been real hectic... lots to think about - mainly my family, my work, my future, my plans... in a dilemma... to quit my current job and assist my mum full time?? this is really tough... for i have to measure the pros and cons...
I do hope i have the answer to that real real soon... im too indecisive a person... i hate that...

My 2 days cashiering job....
Recently held a 2 days cashiering job for Foster beer event, Standard Chartered Rugby 7... Thanks to Roysten, for introducing this job to me...
Its really enjoyable... though real tough..busy and tiring.. but its satisfying, for i had a really great team... my manager-Irwin and asst manager are nice, the crews are friendly...and most importantly, i did not have any shortage or surplus money... [ Im Merticulous!! thats why... hee.. and im proud to say tat.. ]
Actually the most satisfying part of the job is not the pay... but being able to play a part in the event...

Guy bash .. haa.. kidding ...
hMm.. i dont really trust my own eyes and intuitions... or perhaps, im really having too much things in mind to want to pay attention to building a relationships... whatever the reason may be... i know now is not the best time for me to start a relationship...
I dont know why im feeling the way i feel about certain things...
the Movie "Brokeback mountain" kind of impact me... haa... its scary to be with a man.. who can love a man and also a woman at the same time... How a man could kiss and have sex with man and also woman??...
I dont discriminate gays.. i dont discriminate lesbians.. i accept them for who they are, i have wonderful friends who are lesbians myself...To me, actives and butches are guys to me...probably because im in a girls school environment for 10 whole years..
What i cant accept is those gays / lesbians who tries to hide their identity and be with people they dont love... its hurting ... its selfish ...
Okie.. i think i have back track too much.. out of point...

im tired... now is 3 am.. i have to zZzzz ...

2006-04-15T01:30:00.000+08:00

[ I miss JuniOr ]

Just came back from movie with Patrick.. watched "Eight Below (Antartica)" @ the new Cathay cinema.. hMM... brand new... looks new... smell new ... other than the cineplex, there's nothing at all.. all the shops are not open!!

[ i rate the movie 4 **** for i really enjoy the movie, and im a Dog loVer.. ]

Anyway, nice theatre to watch our movie...
Really enjoyed the movie... while watching the movie, i really cant help, but think of my junior... my forever darling dog...
My tears just roll uncontrollably.. partly because of the show, partly because of my missing for junior... the charactor of little Max and Maia resembles junior alot...
Anyway, i know no other dogs can replace the feelings and love i have for Junior, for he is my companion for the past 10 years...
He was my alarm clock, my companion, my frustration avenue, my food vacuum cleaner, my radar, etC...
My Junior has been dog-napped before hence i really could understand the how Paul Walker ( Jerry) felt in the movie. The lost and helpless days....

Enjoyed the company of Patrick, Mr Joker, so glad he didnt fell asleep... haha, for before the movie he says he often fell asleep while watching movies...

2006-04-15T01:09:00.000+08:00

New Look.. New speCs..

2006-04-15T01:07:00.000+08:00

My fLowers & I (2)

2006-04-15T01:05:00.000+08:00

My fLowers & I (1)

2006-04-15T01:02:00.000+08:00

pretty flower (3) ... they smell really nice tOO..

2006-04-15T01:00:00.000+08:00

pretty flowers (2)

2006-04-15T00:59:00.000+08:00

my pretty fLowers (1)

2006-04-15T00:57:00.000+08:00

my tidbitS @ wOrk to puLL me throUgh thOse sLeepy after lunCh hOurs...hee...

2006-04-15T00:54:00.000+08:00

After bLading.. heaDing tO fiLL my hUngry stOmach...

2006-04-15T00:51:00.000+08:00

reaChed ouR destinatioN.. Fort Road.. ** PleaSed!! finaLLy i eXercised... **

2006-04-15T00:48:00.000+08:00

Nat is tOO faST.. i caN oNly foLLow beHind.. hee...iM a gOod fOLLower.. hee

2006-04-15T00:46:00.000+08:00

a Snap sHot of Nat.. whiLe we're bLading... [ hMm.. tat was weeKs aGo..]

2006-04-07T21:20:00.000+08:00

have been real real busy with my life.. hmm... actually nothing interesting... daily routine.. wake up..wash up..smell nice..make up.. off to work... doing that 7 days a week.. have been doing that for slightly more than a month...
tired.. real tired... sometimes i will feel the grudge about having to work everyday..even sat and sunday...for everything i did, i chose it.. i shouldnt do it with much complains...
Some may be wondering what am i working as on weekends... hee, im working as a 4D Operator.. help my grandma.. hmm.. i would say it's quite an easy job, but definately need alot of patience and endurance... for all u do is as follows: take bet slips from customers -> slot into machines -> collect money -> give change and tickets.. from 9am to 6pm! Whenever im working there...I always feel like im a fish inside a fish tank... haa.. for the people who are queuing most of the time do nothing but look at you..
See many ugly sides of people there .. hardcore gamblers.. typical housewives gamblers.. gamblers who dont look like gamblers.. old gamblers.. beginners gamblers...rude gamblers.. friendly gamblers.. etc...
What i cant stand most are those Dirty old man gamblers.. Gambling addiCt already still ti- ko..* Eeeee..cant stand them... touch ladies hand like that also shiok?? dont know what they are thinking...* Not all the customers are like that.. only a few... what they will try to do is touch ur hand while giving or receiving tickets from u.. which most of the time they will fail, for i never like to have hand contact with any of the customers at all... i expect them to put the bet slips and $$ on the table, and i will receive from there...

Sis wedding is nearing.. there seems to a list of "to-do" list... traditions to follow...and this is our 1st time going through all these... i simply dont understand why must some KPOS relatives so ethusiatic about poking their nose into this matter?? My sis is already very blur about what she is suppose to do.. instead of advising her upfront/ directly.... all these people do is complain or talk behind... or beat around the bush...
Whats most ridiculous is on the day of customary marriage ceremony... my sis has to do some actions before leaving the house... my sis is against this totally.... she finds it ridiculous and ugly... but to please the elderlys she has agreed... but the purpose behind doing all that im puzzled.. if it bring good luck or anything good to my family, we sure will do it... BUT BUT apparently thats not what i heard... some kiasu uncle is afraid that their fortune/wealth might slip away the moment his/her niece is married off... thats totally absurb! .. im sure my own family is definately not worried about that at all.. for we know there is nothing.. no wealth no fortune .. for us to hold on to...
Thank god only my eldest sis have got to do that... my second sis and i are safe from that.. hehe...

Hmmm... getting tired... will update when i have the discipline and time...

2006-03-22T00:38:00.000+08:00

i have mOre piCs to post.. bUt im simPLy tOo busy aNd tOO tiRed to do so now... i wiLL taKe sOme tiMe to poSt mOre piCs... Meanwhile theSe few piCs to sHow U guYs i havEnt gOne misSing :)

2006-03-22T00:30:00.000+08:00

preTTy beLLe in her aLtered weDDing Gown.. aCcompanied her to try on her altered gown 1 day befOre her weDDing sHoot..

2006-03-22T00:25:00.000+08:00

met up with Mr EriC taN reCentLy.. piC taKen @ easT coaSt... haD a nIce Long cHat with this oLd buDDy.. he is a Mr Nice Guy..tOO baD laDies..he is taKen.. haa, bLissfuLLy attaChed witH her prinCess,MeL...

2006-03-22T00:21:00.000+08:00

i siMply Love disNey on iCe.. thanKs Roy fOr suCh a Nice BeLated biRthday gift tO me..

2006-03-22T00:18:00.000+08:00

Mr M.I.C.K.E.Y mOuse... he iS sO so cUte.. Love hiM.. he cHeerS me up iNstantLy..

2006-03-22T00:16:00.000+08:00

See hOw smaLL my miCkey is beSide RoysteN?? hee...

2006-03-22T00:13:00.000+08:00

Me & MiCkey mOuse.. a Pressie frOm RoysteN.. thaNks Roy!!

2006-03-22T00:09:00.000+08:00

piCs taKen frOm Roy's mObiLe... :)

2006-03-22T00:08:00.000+08:00

diSney oN iCe... faNtastiC~~ Love the sHow.. aS the tiC says nO Camera aLLowed.. we gOng goNg fOllowed anD didNt bRing our diGitaL caM... thaNk God mObiLe pHones teChnoLogy iS sO aDvaNCed nOw...

2006-03-22T00:03:00.000+08:00

taKe 2 .. in the Lift..

2006-03-22T00:01:00.000+08:00

piC of the thReesOme aGain.. in the Lift... after haVing our teeth cLeaNed and PolisHed... thaNks to Evelyn~ *WInkS*

2006-03-21T23:58:00.000+08:00

...

2006-03-21T23:55:00.000+08:00

Me with Jessica teO... haa...a fRienD whOm i haVent met fOr aGes... havEnt changed muCh...

2006-03-21T23:52:00.000+08:00

hmmm....hee..aNother piC of the ThreesOme..

2006-03-21T23:50:00.000+08:00

Eve.. Me.. Nat

2006-03-21T23:47:00.000+08:00

aNother sHot... [ fuLL of eNergy to sMiLe siNce we haD a yuMMy diNNer eaRlier.. ]

2006-03-21T23:45:00.000+08:00

tAkeN in MariNa Square LaDies..hee...

2006-03-21T23:42:00.000+08:00

chiLLing @ Mc Cafe East cOast.. with Hui yiNg..tiM..bRyan..and Sam... [ hMM.. bUt i onLy piC of Hui yiNg anD me ]

2006-03-03T10:31:00.000+08:00

thanks for all those concern smses~~ and comments...

Life been pretty busy and hectic... Work..Play..Rest... still trying to strike a balance...

Stressed and Worried... Whats Life w/O my Elder siS???
It's scary, once my sis leaves for Beijing.. i think i will be damn lost!! .. damn stress!! .. damn tight!! .. Currently, she's the person who is paying for our house expenses like Utilities.. Telephone bills... Internet bills and etC... [ Sound like my family pillar of strength? ] She has been shedding some loads from my parents and carrying it for them... * Sis the Great~~ *
Once she leaves, this heavy load will not be passed back to my parents, its not fair... So, this load would be shared among my second sis.. my brother and me.. the 3 Rascals in the family.. haha.. ( who doesnt have the habit to save $$ ) .. Hmmmm.. with the current salary im drawing, there's no way we can sustain our current family expenses..

Held a mini meeting ( e 3 rascals - 2nd floor Management meeting..heh! ) .. kind of sense the urgency in putting words into actions.. we held this meeting... thought about how we're gonna split the expenses ratio... ways to minimise..cut down on our current expenses... Many practical do-able ideas.. many funny weird ideas mentioned and suggested also... [ Not surprising at all.. when the 2 Jokers- (My sis and my brO) in the family are involved ]

Realised the importance of my eldest sis... Wats Life gonna be w/o her ? ?

Having serious thoughts about working part time to earn the extra cash ... any recommendations?? one constraint is i can only work on weekends... I really need to be xtra hardworking .. xtra thrifty..

* Close Shave .. I nearly met with an Accident *
This was on tuesday... My second sis and I felt hungry in the nite... So, we decided to go for supper... went Hong Kong Cafe to have our meal.. the fOod is Costly.. and not Very yuMMy.. But they still attract lotsa crowds...Maybe its a trend to have supper there now...
Before we left the house, Daddy was reminding Sis to drive carefully.. ( even tell her nOt to change lanes unless necessary, be patient.. haha, personally i thought this was a ridiculous and funny reminder from my dad ) ...
On our way home, we decide to take a longer route home.. to turn in by Lengkong Tiga instead of turning straight into our lane... When we're approaching the Kembangan MRT, we realised there was something flashing ahead, seems like there's some road works or wat... My sis then turn the steering wheel to the left, making a left turn ( into one of the small lane ) WHILE still concentrating looking ahead trying to figure what is happening infront ( MRT )..
Sis took a super big turn eating into the opposite direction lane..apparently my blur sis still didnt realise there was a taxi she was gonna hit... i shouted in fear " sis .. sis.. sis.. sis.. " lost count of how many "jie jie" i shouted... We were so so close... The taxi driver didnt lost his cool.. he didnt horn at us... Just high beam for a while... think he could tell we're shocked..
Our windows was down... i think i shouted to many " jie jie"s... till there's this passenger walking pass us.. he was giggling at us... hmmmz....

* Birkenstock*
I think im a real sua ku ( mountain tortoise ) ... i didnt know Birkenstock is quite a high-end brand ( personal opinion ) ... Sis CLoris bought a Madrid ..silver... quite nice... but when i see the price $89/-, and i think thats one of less costly design ... hmmm.. so costly!!! ... too ex for such a simple design... but its damn light..
I thought this brand is a super ordinary brand.. shoe pricing range shouldnt be too pricy... anyway, im wrong la..
Took fancy of the imbezza design ( i think i spelled it wrongly ) ... hmmz... feel like getting, but im afraid i gotta tell myself to wait... cannot spend unnecessary stuffs now...
[ tempting... think it will look nice on me lo... argh!! ]

* IrritatinG! 1st driving lessOn in APRIL 06 *
Its super irritating...there is no schedules for me to book~~ the earliest slot would be in April!! April 5.. Jaw drop!! .. and when i went into the web earlier... there isnt anymore slots for the whole month of april... this is Craziness!! what the tOods !!~~ ... how can they accept so many students, when they do not have enough schedules and cars to cater to their students... find it absolutely ridiculous... FUMING!!! Sux~ the waiting time is Far far far far tOO LONG!!!

* CleaN teetH...*
Met up with EveLyn and Hui Ying days aGo... Had Clean clean teeth.. Cleaned..Polished..aLL thanKs to Nice Sweet Eve~~ ..thaNks for the extensive pacKage U provided... had fun gathering with them... went to her work place explore her cosy carefree workplace... hMm... dinner @ Sake Sushi...after dinner went tO starbuCks fOr further chilling... We will always have lots to talk about ..endless tOpics... haa... 3 " 38 po's" makes a market...these 2 friends of mine, precious~ .. been through thick and thin during secondary school days... hence, they really understand me in and out.. i dont have to tell them many things in details, they will just understand fully ..haha... gotta thank them actually, they brighten my gloomy day... thanks Eve and Ying...

2006-03-02T12:05:00.000+08:00

Feeling very emotional these few days.. very emO~ .. streSS..woRRies..sAdneSS..aLL come rumbling inTo my mind...
the sOng in my blog best describes how im feeling... i Just waNNa stay at Home~~ Can I?? CAN I?? CAN I??? CAN I NOT WORK??? CAN I JUST STOP WHATEVER I HAVE TO DO?? CAN I JUST STOP EVERYTHING.......CAN I ANOT?? SUPER SCREWED UP LIFE!! CAN I JUST BURY MYSELF, CAN I JUST STAY ASLEEP FOR AS LONG AS I WANT?? CAN I ??

IM TIRED... REALLY TIRED....TIRED OF CONTROLLING MY EMOTIONS... TIRED OF MEETING DEADLINES... TIRED TIRED TIRED... IM NOT IN CONTROL OF MY OWN LIFE AT ALL... TOTALLY NOT IN CONTROL...

I FEEL TOTALLY HELPLESS.. IM MEAN... IM BAD...
Im a super useless friend... i cant help my darling jess... cant cant cant... she was there for me during my super down period.. my pillar of strength... really there without fail... she goes all out for me... What am i doing now???
Jess is super duppa down rite now... i just cant seem to help... What is wrong with me??? Why must i be tied down by so much things?? why cant i be as carefree as others?? why cant i just book the tics and fly with her?? why must there be so much work commitment in me?? why must i feel guilty about these and that? why must i be stuck in these damn rat race... why why why??? why must i feel exhausted?? why am i so impatient?? why am i so mean, to place my own expectation on this poor gal? when she fails to be the strong lady she is, i get angry and dissappointed... why cant i be more empathetic??
I feel mean.. i feel bad.. i feel lousy.. i am lousy! i am such a lousy friend!!

Just feel that some people know each other for wrong reasons... ill intentions... its scary... who is knowing me with ill intentions?? who is not?? Really see alot alot of ugly people, they are increasing in population... not saying their physical appearance.. but their inner self...

CAN I BE LEFT ALONE?? CAN I BE ALONE?? WILL I EVER BE ALONE?? WILL I WANT TO BE ALONE?? DO I WANT TO BE ALONE?? ARGH!!!!!!!!!!

I dont know what am i typing.. i am just channeling all my frustrations in here... but again.. time constraints... i gotta get back to work....... i drag it...
Got lots to blog, will blog when im feeling better...

2006-02-27T22:59:00.001+08:00

tats me.. miChelle tay... @ fort canning..

2006-02-27T22:59:00.000+08:00

Reunion pic on New year's eve... aLso Granny's birthday...

2006-02-27T22:58:00.000+08:00

Li Leng..Beverly..BeLLe..Michelle..Cloris...

2006-02-27T22:57:00.000+08:00

frOm youngest tO mOst matured [ left to right ] ... hee... we LooK different rite?? doNt lOok aLike at aLL ya??

2006-02-27T22:54:00.000+08:00

aLL smiLing ,,, happy smiles ~~

2006-02-27T22:52:00.002+08:00

Our family photo.. with a new member joined in officially.. hee... [ family size is getting bigger !! ]

2006-02-27T22:52:00.001+08:00

Mrs & Mr Gan... sweet couple... = )

2006-02-27T22:52:00.000+08:00

sibLings.. [ dOnt ask me why im the sHortest k...* sensitive* ]

2006-02-27T22:51:00.000+08:00

sibLings fOrever...

2006-02-27T22:47:00.000+08:00

the 3 sisters... aLL of different perSonalities...

2006-02-27T22:45:00.001+08:00

2 faMiLies gathering tOgether ...

2006-02-27T22:45:00.000+08:00

JoN..BeverLy..CLoriS..beLLe, bride..miCheLLe..[ from left to right ]

2006-02-22T00:08:00.000+08:00

hmm.. tiring day at work.. didnt start my day right actually.. for i quarrelled with my mummy.. anyway, i managed to pull through the day la... :)

My sis - "Mrs Gan" ..
My eldest sis is married... offically Mrs Gan.., very very touching moments...
The ceremony is real short.. less than 7 mins.. but it left me with lotsa impact... the marriage vow.. is such a sacred vow.. serious vow... cannot be taken lightly vow..
i must make sure i said it to the one and only man i really really love... [ provided someone wants me la.. ] Marriage really cannot be taken lightly.. Love cannot be taken lightly...
The moment my sis and her hubby was exchanging vow.. my second sis, was so touched till she teared.. moments of joys..
Im so so happy... it was a really joyous day yesterday..

After ROM.. we headed to the legends for buffet lunch... food is ok.. alright.. but i enjoy the phototaking moments the most.. we took lotsa lotsa photos... will try post some once i load them into the com...

i was real real tired yesterday.. i think it was all the posing and smiling that makes me dead beat..

One step closer to driving...
Finally got my butt moving.. went to sign up for driving yesterday.. hee.. gotta reapply for my last registration has expired quite some time ago and i gotta retake the whole course all over again.. hmmmz~~
so excited... i must get my driving within a year...

Just when i was about to leave the driving centre it started to rain.. i was like.. Wat the tOodz... i was in a hurry so i cannot afford to wait for the rain to stop... Soo... ACt garuNg onCe again.. i walk under the rain [ when the rain is stll not very big ] .. who knows half way thru.. before reaching the gate of the driving centre.. it started to rain very heavily... Thank God, near the security guard house, there was a shelter.. i stood there for a while.. was feeling abit kan cheong and loss.. coz now im neither here nor there... i cannot run to the bus stop.. for its quite a distance.. i will be totally drenched... Thank God again, a nice lady who was walking towards the driving centre walked in.. Very very nice of her to offer to shelter me to the bus stop, even though she is rushing for time to take her final theory... :)

I LooK young.. hee
Went to develop the photos after the ceremony.. got home and change to something more comfy before heading to parkway to develop the pics...
I changed into a Overall dress or Jumper skirt.. whatever u call it... just like a pinafore.. i feel i look young..like sec school kid.. hee
After developing the pics.. i head to Tampines to meet Jessyca.. went to Phins to slack and chill... couldnt walk alot for the heels i wore earlier on really or nearly killed my leg..
Met Patrick after Phins.. walked around.. and actually got stopped by a group of prudential people.. Took quite a while to shake them off.. they just surround us ,its scary.. haa..[ the people are trained to talk..really .. ]
The 3 of us settled down at coffeebean and sit..chill...slack (again) .. had quite abit of laughter...

Okie.. thats the end of my day..

** Love Love Love.... ... i will treat relationships even more seriously now... Love me for the right reasons k... and i will be Xtra Xtra careful in choosing my next boyfriend or my future hubby [ if i can be married off ] ***

It should be the time of the month.. hmmmz.... delayed... dont know why.. should be due to the stress and my current weak body and the fluctuation of my weight.. hmm...but the Moodswings is here.. argh!! why must ladies go thru all these torture??

Yesterday Roysten said i am not hard to understand.. that sets me thinking ....Am i really that easy to see through?? As easy to read my mind like a book?? is it good or not??

Anyway, whatever.... funny... quite a few friends thought im attached once again.. just because i received flowers on V day.. [ thanks Roy for opening up their imagination ..haa ] im not attached.. i am single, but not available...
im not so flirt ok... i wont get into a relationship that soon, my heart is closed... im matured already ok, wont treat BGR as a game ... i want to be taken seriously..

im too tired to edit.. i dont know what i am writing.. do pardon me if u think its nonsense... crankiness sets in...

2006-02-20T09:31:00.000+08:00

Mornings~~

Im on leave today.. Weez~~ .. why? because today is my sis, belle ROM day... have been looking forward to this day for a long long time... 13 years relationship~~ .. hee..

Cant sleep last nite.. didnt sleep well.. so had a long long conversation with God.. praying~~ .. asking him for many many things... * Greedy, real real greedy* the prayer was real long.. real good in a sense... funny thing is i got a little distracted along the way while communicationg with God.

Yesterday i had a nice coffee chat with my Sis, Cloris at COffee Club @ Siglap.. nice chit chat session.. lotsa topics covered.. feel happy, and comforted.. again, i learnt something and yearn to improve myself..be a stronger lady..
My studies.. sis say i shouldnt rely on my mum nor my dad.. i should never have the thoughts of relying on them for financial assistance since i jolly well know how the family is doing now.. shouldnt add on any burden to them, whats more they're getting old...
been struggling with thoughts about it actually... study full time or part time... Lotsa Pros and Cons to consider..
Full Time - i lost my financial independence totally... gotta rely on mummy for allowance [ cant imagine myself doing that once again, after 1 years plus of financial independence ] .. but i can concentrate studying and get good results...
Part time - i get financial independence... But i will be in debts [ i hate loans, hate it to the core ] .. i may not be able to juggle between work and studies.. need alot of self -discipline to excel... etc...
After thinking for a long time, i guess i will choose part time studies .. yesh~ Hui Ying is gonna scold me... i change my plans again... but i thought about it for a long time, prayed about too... anyway, i will see how it goes...

The talk with my sis was really good.. really enjoyed it to the fullest.. she once again inspired me to keep myself in prayers.. and be strong.. and to be a better lady... stay positive at all times..
and from now on.. i will try to use a lower pitch to talk... * i said TRY* .. sis says generally people will take people with low pitch voice more seriously than high pitch... so .. perhaps my friends will see a more serious Michelle from now on... hee :)

To hair light my hair today????
argh~ indecisiveness sets in again... dont know to do my hair anot... how ? How ? How??
not sure if i would be in time to do it before the ROM... think i will just postpone it...

Sign up for driving..
i should be on my way to CDC.. comfort driving centre.. instead of sitting down here blogging... just cant seem to get my butt off the chair.. haha... but i will go .. i must go... cannot delay any further.. this TO DO thing must be done by end of FEB...
Vroom..vroom..vrOOm... haha... sis is already worried about our family car once i get my license.. she is suggesting perhaps we should have a booking form for the car... 1 car for 3 of us is really not enough!!! [ sis, bro and me ]

will wear my pretty red dress later for my sis ROM... looking forward to the international buffet whicj i will eat later that...
will post up more pics if i have the time...

TOday is a beautiful day... beautiful heart..beautiful mood... :)

2006-02-19T20:07:00.000+08:00

again me with my pretty flowers..hee... sorry, if u guys reading my blog feel im trying to how lian my flowers.. i am in a sense... as my poor pretty flowers are withering now.. so share her pretty moments in my blog here...

2006-02-19T20:06:00.000+08:00

SoLo pic of Me.. V day

2006-02-19T20:00:00.000+08:00

Jess & I @ Sun Dining @ CHIJMES on Valentines day

2006-02-19T19:59:00.000+08:00

More piCs on Vday...

2006-02-19T19:55:00.000+08:00

Me and Jessyca @ DXO

2006-02-19T19:53:00.000+08:00

fLowers in my rOom...

2006-02-19T19:52:00.000+08:00

Smile frOm my faCe upon receiving the fLowers @ e Office...

2006-02-19T19:50:00.000+08:00

my pretty flowers.. from Roysten~~ :)

2006-02-19T19:49:00.000+08:00

more pics..

2006-02-19T19:45:00.001+08:00

my faCe sO so round beside Jac.. haha

2006-02-19T19:45:00.000+08:00

Me & vOnz..

2006-02-19T19:44:00.000+08:00

abit dark.. pic of me and Jacqueline... @ partybox...

2006-02-19T19:41:00.000+08:00

Pic of Aloy.. taSting the SmoothneSS of Tau Hua ... after our durianS.

2006-02-19T19:39:00.000+08:00

Buddies~ Bernie & Aloy sMeLLing e FragranCe of duriaNS.. my 1st tiMe having Durians @ Geylang...

2006-02-19T19:38:00.000+08:00

aNother one...

2006-02-19T19:36:00.000+08:00

Jessyca & i @ Cafe Cartel @ Siglap .. chiLL and slaCk..

2006-02-19T19:35:00.000+08:00

Jessyca & I .. one sunday @ Cafe Cartel Siglap.. chiLL~~

2006-02-19T19:31:00.000+08:00

Sweet Jessyca gOt me thiS cHocoLate veNdiNg maChine tO cheeR me up.. niCe.. hMMx..bUt sHe aNd VanCe aCtuaLLy bLuff me..cheaT my feeLingS witH thiS little fUn thInG... haa...

2006-02-19T19:14:00.000+08:00

My 1st ShoPPing trip tO Mustafa...

heeez... i would say itS fun and enjoyable... enjOyable experience~~ some may think what?? Sua Ku sia~ .. ya, i think im super sua ku~~ .. past by that place many many times, but i have never step into that place before.. thinking it must be a complicated place.. the stuffs they wont suit me... bla etc...
i didnt know Mustafa has 2 parts... Mustafa @ Serangoon Plaza [ catered more for tourists ] .. and Mustafa Centre [ catered more for the commoners ] ..
nice experience shopping.. found my shower gel [ goats milk ] there... and the lip balm which was recommended by Jessyca... coOL.. lotsa varieties...
Think back its quite funny... Bernie and i actually got lost with Ronald and his GF, wen hao [ if i didnt get her name wrong ] ... ALL of us were at Mustafa...Ronald reached Mustafa 1st..when we arrived, we called them... he said they were at the toiletries area.. we then got to the toiletries dept and couldnt find them anywhere... haha... spent quite awhile for us to realise we were at Mustafa toiletries dept in Serangoon Plaza while Ronald and his gf was at Mustafa Centre toiletries dept... haa...

After shopping when chill and slack and had our real cheesy supper.... lotsa cheese... fattening...
really thank God for Bernie, such a nice friend and buddy... never ever minding the distance to send me home... he is such a gentleman... lucky Jac for havin such a nice and faithful bf~~ :)

Before Mustafa... we were at the Airport.. sending Bernie's GF, Jac off, as she's leaving for Australia... After that, Aloy, Guowei, Bernie, Ronald, Wen hao and Me.. headed to ECP for dinner... yummy dinner~~
Dinner was quite quiet.... Guo wei pretty distracted over the soccer match [ Man U vs Liverpool ] Aloy tOO... Bernie, should be missing his dearie GF... me, concentrate eating of course...

Aloy and Guowei decide to forgo the Mustafa trip for their soccer match... Soo.... left them @ Dbl O there for them to watch their match.. i think it would be great if they could join us... bound to have lotsa laughter... hmmz.. provided they dont talk about their games [ Kutaz ] or whatever... the topic im always being left out... :(

I hope Bernie would be positive about things ahead.. i know he will, for he is such a positive happy-go-lucky friend of mine... know he would be going thru a period of getting-used to period w/o his loving GF.. he said he will be fine.. so i know he will be.. he is not alone anyway, for he still have ALoy, Guo wei and Me... haha...

It pains me to see my dear friend, my darling Jessyca working so so hard ..neglecting her health totally... it kind of anger me.. Earning $$ is imporrtant..but health is More important... it really pains me to hear her running a temp.. not feeling well...
Just dont like the idea of her working over her limts...Vance would not like it too.. if he sees her in her dead tired shagged condition.. hmmmz...

Just posted quite a number of pics .. quite lagging .. some events quite long already... like the Durian and tau hua was like last month...chilling at Sigalp, DXO was Weeks ago, before Vance left for Australia..

2006-02-18T11:34:00.000+08:00

Walking zombie... feeling really tired.. how i wish i could stay on my comfy bed and zZzz ... reality is cruel - fact is i gotta work!! hMmmz....

Feeling real stressed this week.. lotsa datelines to meet.. mummy keeps rushing me this and that [ result from slacking too much, not paying attention to her company's accounts the last month ] so work in the day, after work continue working for my mummy..
To date, hmm... completed most of my To-do list for this week
To DO List:
- Bring Korean Drama series for my colleague [ finally remember yesterday]
- Bring my audit file to office [ also finally remember yesterday]
- Application of work permit for my mum's new worker [ finally in process]
- Mummy's company GST [ done]
- Mummy's company Statement of accounts for Jan 05 [ in process, really late this time]
- Uni application [ MOST important to me, BUT NOT DONE!!]
- Buy Valentine's day gift for my darling, Jessyca [ No time!! ]

Yup, my Uni application to date i have not submit.. not that i didnt attempt to submit.. but there's this part on the application which requires you to write an essay... ArgH~ im stuck at the essay part.. i dont write impressive essays.. why make applications so difficult??
When i set my mood to write the essay on thursday, the worst thing that can happen to me was my computer hanged.. my effort, my inspiration all gone after that.. i flared up, shut down the com and end my day.. the thought of re-writing the essay which i really rely on my at-that-moment inspiration just piss me off... think back...im so silly to be angry... [ a tired person is a angry man]

Lotsa of updates actually... other than those i mentioned above...
- Im happy, for im happy for people around me.. :)
Wanted to blog this a few days ago...
Im feeling happy, for people around me are happy.. im happy for my sis, cloris and belle.. my darling, jessyca.. hearing happy news that is happening to them really happy, just influenced me to be happy.
Long distance relationship seem to be working out well for Jessyca and her bf... initially was really worried for her, worried her being heartbroken after her bf leaves for Australia..fearing his heart and feelings for her leaves together...But hearing the both of them really making the effort to maintain their relationship rite now..cheers me.. seeing her really happy, the smile that really smiles from her heart.. the little happiness she is feeling just makes me feel really happy for her.
My sis, cloris receives a call from an unexpected person.. her "kim-chi".. she once thought everything is over.. but "kim-chi" is flying to Singapore this weekend to make up to her... So, my dearest sis is meeting her "kim-chi" real real soOn... she told me this news with lotsa lotsa joy from her face.. can instantly tell... haha...
So made use of this opportunity [ while she is super duppa happy] borrowed many things from her... Michael Buble Cd..multi-purpose plug...etC... [ All she agreed, see how important a person's mood is! ]
My sis, Belle.. wedding bells is gonna ring~~ hee... finally hearing good news from her that they have settled for the bridal gowns and fixed dates for their photo shoot.. im happy, for there's progress... initially feeling super "kan-cheong' for them for their wedding is in such a rush...
They gonna ROM this coming monday... wedding dinner would be fixed in April.. in May, they are leaving for Beijing for 3 years...

My Valentine's day..nOt lonely afterall...
I had a nice valentine's day... received a pleasant surprise from Roysten, for his very nice bouquet of roses.. * sweetness* .. im super surprised.. i wasnt in office on valentine's day for i was out for audit.. received a call from him and also my boss informing me about the roses being delivered to my office... Its really very sweet of him...really appreciate his effort.. however, i feel the pinch for his pocket, money is hard-earned.
I spent my V day with my darling, Jessyca.. yup, just her alone.. we went to this very nice Japanese restaurant - Sun Dining @ CHIJMES. Had very nice yummy food.. their avocado soft-shell sushi is Hmmmz...Nice nice nice~ Yummy ! had a great time chatting .. eating .. walking .. shopping and chilling with her.. Sweet Jessyca also surprise me with a very nice box of chocolates from Raffles Hotel... Jessyca says their chocs is nice..her fav... * sweetness isnt it? *

ShoppinG..shOppings.. anD GOTTA SERIOUSLY STOP!
Have been buying and dining @ nice places recently.. it seems like i have seriously over spent for the past 2 months....

Im gonna tell myself to stop shopping for at least the next 2 months...
Bought myself a very sweet looking top and dress from Zara... yesh~ price is "very nice" tOo...
Really think the top and dress is sweet... top and dress are of the same design, same material...haha, is that impulsive buying?? hmm... abit... i bought the Zara top first, after considering for the nite.. pressing real round if i should buy the dress.. the next day i bought it.. i even asked my sis to go along to see if i should buy the dress...
really thought and hesistate for a long while for all these buys cost me $$... my hard-earned money~~
The top itself costs me $75 ( i think) and the dress $99 ... so really feeling the pinch...
Whats more.. i have many birthday pressies to buy... my 2 best of friend..Hui Ying and Jasmine 22nd birthday... and also Bryan's birthday...
argh~~ can money fall from the sky for me to pick???

Im alone, let me be... im fiNe like that..
Right now, i cant say i have gotten over ian.. still in the process.. i still think of him at times.. but im doing fine.. very happy with my progress.. i develop no hate.. no anger.. no negative feelings for him.. i still able to treat him as a friend.. :)
Right now, im happy with being alone.. im happy i have many nice caring and fun-loving friends around me..
im against this idea of diverting the kind of special feelings you feel for someone to another ...To me, emotional hurt, only time and you alone can heal it.. for i feel its super unfair to the other, and you will really regret your actions... i learnt my lesson.. i am constantly reminding myself now of this lesson. For i dont wish to hurt anyone or allow myself to be hurt emotionally .. i do not wish anyone to treat me as a subsitute..neither do i want to make anyone to feel that way..

[ just a general comment... ;) im sorry, if i made it sound serious.. just a thought that comes to my mind after reading an article ]

My most 2 recent movies...
I not Stupid 2
I rate this movie 5 stars [ * * * * *] nice~~ .. funny, touching and real...
Jessyca and i teared while watching... this movie is really worth watching.. enter the movie theatre with an easy light heart.. came out feeling differently...
The Old granny is really cute... " LaMe~~ CoOL Man~~ WhateVer~~" haha...

Marrying the Maffia 2
Watched this movie with bryan... Good for laugh movie.. nice~~ lotsa of laughter throughout the movie...
The "Del monte" and "sunkist" joke.. haa..

I've recovered..
I guess i have recovered from my sickness... although still can hear a few coughs from me...
I wanna say a BIG thank U to those who prayed for me.. and also thoSe Medicine feeding reminderS.. : ) * Hugs *

Note to Bryan...
Eh, real round... U must remember to help me change my blog layout after your exams ya...U promised me wan ya..
Study real real hard to in order to achieve the grades that is waiting for U...[ ADs and As ]

i had a Long Long dream

2006-02-12T21:17:00.000+08:00

im a pig or rather a lazy bone.. i think i really am...
i slept all day...spend my sunday sleeping ~~just woke up not too long to have my dinner~~

i had a long long dream...quite a funny dream... i think im somehow the director of my dream ba...
i dreamt of alot of things... i dreamt of him...
i didnt allow myself to wake up...i enjoyed my dreams in my lala land... how i wish i can sleep w/o waking up... reality always hurts..

im still not well.. sux~ still got flu and cough...
i have myself to blame for i dont really know how to take care..although i always say i know how to take care * act Garung only*
Sick for far too long .. over a week already.. : (

i want people to respect me.. i first have to respect myself
i want people to treasure me.. i first have to treasure myself
i want people to love me..i first have to love myself

i LOve my fRienDs

2006-02-08T13:50:00.000+08:00

iM on MC toDay.. tOO siCk to gO wOrk..
i feeL very bLessed aCtually.. i have LoTsa frieNDs who reaLLy caRE..i haVe my faMiLy wHo Loves Me...

ThaNk U eRic.. a Very Nice and Gentlemanly guy.. whO is So So nice tO bRing me tO the dOc yeSterday.. a very niCe guy..

Was siCk for the past few days.. really wishes him to show me some concern.. but received none at all... anyway, i have no right to expect anything from him in the 1st place... its just that when im siCk.. reaLLy yeaRn and wisHes hiM to be there for me..

aNyway, enough about him...
i have lotsa friends who really cares... Jessyca..Huiying..Evelyn..Bryan [ real round ].. eRic.. JasMine..Lynn..SherLyn..Minz...etC..etC.. sO w/o hiS cOncern, i know im stiLLed beiNg Loved...

Huiying even offereD tO feeD me later.. @ Eve pLAce.. [ dont be jeaLous ya, tIm ]
i wiLL taKe care aNd get weLL reaL sOOn...

My darling Jessyca is down... reaLLy wiShes i could heLp her.. neVer wishes my friends..my loved ones to be upset.. emOtional hurts no one can cure..except urself...

2006-02-07T21:25:00.000+08:00

Germs germs germs..
feel super terrible this morning... lotsa greenish coloured phlegms coughed out ... * eEeeeeee, i know*

Feel super sick.. but its still not as scary as nearly fainting on the streets on Sunday.. if i really faint that day, i think i will never go siglap again...

Hmmz..yesterday went search for bridal gowns with my sis... its a very enjoyable task.. very tiring though... hope all the wedding details would be settled soon...

Fearless - Thumbs up~~ fantastic movie...
watched this movie with my dearest daddy and my eldest sis... weird combi... but enjoy their company to the fullest~~

2006-02-05T21:39:00.000+08:00

Okie.. im gOnna bLog dOwn aLL the eveNts that happen to me the paSt 2 weeKs...

starting frOm 16 Jan 06 ba... [ i have aLL the events written on my Organiser, heh ]

16 Jan [ :( ]
Went to the immigration with my client, case didnt went very smoothly, he only manage to get a 1 year renewal.. hmmm.. im upset~

i think im gonna be insane...
i turned down my friend invitation today,he wanted to meet me up...im afraid...

17 Jan [ :) ]

His nick states he is happy... is he really happy?

Went to observation lounge with Mindy and Lynn... Lynn, my ultimate nice friend..a friend who gives very true and down to earth advices... someone who is an ultimate good listener..
Told them how im feeling...getting real tired of talking about him, but cant stop thinking about him...
Like the ambience very much.. see nice scenaries...

Kelvin actually offered to send me back home, but i declined...He is also a nice guy, but dont wanna him to feel made use of..

19 Jan [ : / ]

Met up with Jessyca after work.. had Hokkien mee near place.. the coffeeshop @ Lor Mydin.. they serve pretty good hokkien mee...
I miss him very much... i really dont know why, he got the power to drive crazy...throughout the dinner, my eyes didnt leave sight of the road, all i wish to see is he drives past me... see his car also "shiok" .. i know and fully understand so what i see his car?
We sat at the coffeeshop for 3 over hrs.. can imagine how tired my eyes was after tat...my eyes was really really tired...
however when i got home, didnt fall asleep.. on the phone with Jessyca to continue our conversation... our Brisbane trip.. i have to make a trip there to recharge myself..get out of Singapore to feel refreshed and hopefully get over him...

20 Jan [ :/ ]

Decided i wanna have a talk with him..really wants an answer from him so that i can once and for all leave him behind and move on... i called, he answered... but our talk didnt go very smoothly...how i wish he knows my purpose of me calling him... its definately not to quarrel with him... that is never never my intention...
Anyway, he said he will call me back, but he didnt... the time waiting for his call is an agony...i hate the feeling, but why did i allow myself go through it??

21 Jan [ : / ]
He didnt call... super upset... i once again teared ... feel so so weak.. super angry with myself..
Anyway, felt better after talking to Lynn...she told me a way to forget him.. should try... i did.. i guess it helps...

Anyway, in the evening i met up with Aloy, Bernie and Guowei to have out reunion dinner @ Crystal Jade..

Bernie came pick me up with his NEW Rav 4... Its one of my FAV car.. feel good being able to sit in one of my fav car.. nice car... spacious...

Dinner was good.. yummy, but its always the company that makes the food and whole dinner tastier...
After dinner we proceed to a boardgame cafe... The PitStop cafe... played boardgames there... quite a nice experience.. quite fun` ~
Played till 12 plus... then Guowei gotta meet up with his other friends at Momo... send him there then the rest of us proceed to Geylang...
We went to Geylang to eat Durians... [ its my very first time eating durians at Geylang ] Nice..yummy... there's this very amazing steel soap bar that helps remove the smell of durians from your fingers... initially Aloy told us,, we didnt want to believe him.. But when i tried it personally it actually works... AMAZING~~
After durian, we proceed to eating Tau Huey @ Rochor Bean curd.. also at Geylang.. [ the place where he brought me there once too ] Tau huey was nice.. smooth~~ ...
After that, we went to the red light district and have a walk there... nothing interesting [ to my disapointment] and went ECP for a spin...

Happening night indeed, and i enjoyed myself...

22 Jan [ :/]
Had lunch with Jessyca and Vance... [ we planned for breakfast actually ] @ Siglap, Cafe Cartel..had a good time chatting and slacking...

Think i cannot sit facing any roads when im at Siglap or Kembangan area.. i will tire my eyes...
[ im trying not to already ]

23 Jan [ :) ]
Today Patrick is back from India..

I met up with Jessyca after work.. had dinner @ Din Tai Feng.. food is always gOOD~
After dinner, walked around and Shopping therapy again...
Bought myself a Beaded Jade green necklace.. 2 thOngs... from Topshop...
Chill at Indochine after that...hmmm...quite a nice place to chill, live band is quite good..just that the songs request we asked for, they dont know how to sing... hee

24 Jan [ :) ]
Mentos advertisement~~
Met my clients @ 7.30am... hmmz...feeling very tired...
embarassing incident happen to me..i broke my heels while i was with my clients...i was at loss of words when my heels broke [ my 4 inch high heels ]... its embarassing for i was with my clients~~ i thought for a few seconds, i took off the other side of my shoes and break the heels also.. so that i would be able to walk...
Called my daddy next, World sweetest Dad sent me a pair of shoes,, i was so so touched.. he didnt flare up on me.. for making such demanding request..

After work, i met up with Lynn to chit chat @ Observation lounge.. talked about many interesting topics.. had a nice chat..

After that, met up with Jessyca, Winston, Roger and Janet to Rouge..
went there to listen to their live band..
DEad tired when i got home..bath and off to bed..

25 Jan
Feeling lousy..wanted to go home to rest early... BUT....
Jessyca called.. and we arranged for a meet up..
Went to Blush @ Centrepoint.. feel silly, dont even know why i wanna step in.. i have enough of lingeries.. and things from Blush dont usually catches my eyes..maybe i was pinning a silly stoopid ides of seeing him in the shop?? Anyway, i got in... and guess what?? I bought More Thongs~~ haha... More & More tHongS~~
After that, head to Bugis to meet Jessyca.. as she hasnt arrived, i went to my favourite shop - G+HB... they sell fashionable clothings...
Jessyca was shocked as i waited for her for a mere 15 mins... i got myself a Purple Satin dress..1 belt and a Brown top... and that costs me $100/-

Hmm...overspent this month~~ Very very bad~~ and retail therapy only brings me temporary relief...

Mummy and Jonathan came pick me after i've chilled with Jessyca... In the car, mummy was complaining why am i going home at such late hours this few days.. it's making her worried... she wants to know why im like that now... she advises me to just be cool and forget about him totally, its easier said than done...
i feel guilty hearing that... if only she knows why im doing that.. i know my method is wrong.. but as long it works, i hope my mum will just let me be....
Gotta know my eldest sis is going Beijing with her sOOn to be husband [ havent ROM ] .. for 3 years~~ Shocking news to me.. and they are going to register for their marriage real real soon...
Feel real weird..i dont know why... my sis leaving us for 3 years... so long~~cant bear to let her go...

26 Jan
Reunion dinner with Hui ying.. Evelyn .. Jessyca and Me...@ Secret Gardens... nice ambience for couples.. haha... Natalie didnt attend for she has something on... so No full attendance...
The serving is small... the salmon steak i ate wasnt enough for me.. haha...Darling Jessyca had to feed me with her pasta to fill my stomach even further.. haha.. sweetness~~

Lynn got me a packet of Bak Kwa... Super Sweet of her... went to collect from her and head to Thumpers after that..

27 Jan
Had a super nice and filling dinner with Bryan... @ Soup Restaurant... Thanks for the treat, Bryan~~ The food there is yummy... Bryan ordered too much fOod... we had alittle difficulty finishing up all the foOd...haha...The Samsui Chicken is YUMMY!! .. love that dish..

After dinner, went over to Far East Plaza to walk abit.. bought 2 nail polish for CNY...after that, went to buy yummy ice cream... * Love ice cReam* sat at Bryan's car to enjoy the ice cream.. after that he sent me to MoMO.. for my darling has a Pole dancing competition.. gotta support her all the way... hee...
Had fun at MoMo...nice Bryan actually came pick me up after that.. had my Mc Donald supper at ECP after that.. haa..

28 Jan

Reunion dinner.. ~~ long awaited~~~
I am always looking forward to having my annual reunion dinner... This year a little more
special.. i had my reunion dinner with my aunties and uncles... for we at the same time celebrated my grandma's birthday. Most reunion dinners, i will just have steamboat dinner with my own family...
This year we had cater for 30 plus people's food... we had our dinner at the car pouch area... 3 steamboat pots... very fun~~ very heartwarming...

The part on washing of dishes and cleaning up.. is no doubt, Tiring!!
the bowls and plates keep stacking up.. washing at that moment seems never ending...

After dinner, i met up with Jessyca and Vance and his group of friends.. headed to Cocco Latte & Liquid RooM..Quite fun..My darling Jessyca is always very protective over me.. she goes all out to protect me and doesnt allow any guys to funny with me...
im really grateful to have a friend like her,so protective over me.. for i know im still very green.. very naive...

publish this much first... for its real late now... will edit further again..

im siCk aGain~~

2006-02-04T09:59:00.000+08:00

feeLing quite teRRibLe noW... " Xin Ku" should be the woRd... hmmZ...
Down with Cough...and teRRibLe tHRoat iRRitation...aNd i thiNk iM lOsing my vOice aGain...
tHaNks tO the sHot that i dRank, i gOt cHoked.. aNd that triGGers my cOugh tO staRt... hMMP~~
sLeepLess niTe... fOr keep cOughing Like an Old GraNNy...

beeN reaL tiRed... uLtra LaCk oF zZzz... have been spending my tiMe to the MAX almOst everyday.. nOt a gOOd siGn, fOr i didNt aLLow my bOdy to reSt~... sOme may kNow why i dO thaT... i wiLL adjuSt baCk tO my nOrmal heaLthy lifestyLe reaL sOoN~

I reaLLy feeL im VerY iLL-disCipLined... Super~ ...
I aLways let my heaRt cOntrOL my miNd..iNsteaD of Letting My MinD cOntrOl my heaRt...
[ haiZ~~ ]

itS a puRple Day tOday....

2006-02-03T13:17:00.000+08:00

Today is a Purple Day.... :)

Purple Towel ... * New *
[ to wRap aNd dry myseLf iN after bathing..CloriS sis bOught it for me ]

Purple tOOthbrush ... * New *
[ OLd tOothbrush announced "LOST!" ]

Purple dRess... * New *
[ My new satin dress ]

Purple Cardigan...
[ after mummy nagging " girL, bring a cardigan along huH!!" ]

Purple heeLs...* New *
[ kiLLer heeLs.. 4 inCh high... ]

Hee...my bOss was " Wa~ MiCheLLe, yOu're So Purple-riSh tOday" haha...

i have so So much to blog.. will discipline myself to blog all sOon....
- My haPpening week...
- My reuNion diNNer..
- My Sis "Big" news..
- My reFresHed life
- My deaRies..i waNNa thank
- etC..etC....
at wOrk nOw.. sO caNt bLog...

2006-01-29T13:59:00.000+08:00

[ All abOut hiM... ]

Nothing worked out..
Heartbreak no doubt, but didnt regret my confession of my feelings for him...
[ for at least, i let my feelings be known...]

I Like him :
- for who he is
- His confidence ..
- His side of Shyness ..
- His passion for his work
- He used to be my very very nice boyfriend
- He once said he will always dote on me
- His everything ( for Now )

I should have known from the signs he gave me :
- He doesnt call
- Not even SMS
- He is always busy, not free
- Asking him out seems more difficult than usual
- He always says he will call, but didnt
- He says he is a Workaholic
- He says i deserves someone better [ Classic excuse ya? ]
- He has no money [ he sees me as a money grabber ma?? ]
- He no longer ask me for suppers/ spins

I wil always remember:
- He taught me - i shouldnt call myself a girl anymore, lady is the word to use..
- He introduced me this mocktail - Shirley temple
- the song " stay the same"

I really have lotsa questions about us i wanna ask him, he claims he has feelings for me, then why is he like that? I just wanna hear the truth, is it so so hard to hear it??
Perhaps, he really cant bear to be the "bad" guy this time round, cant bear to say such harsh truth in person to me..
Anyway, i will choose to believe he has feelings for me [ bUt dont feel enough to be with me.. ], AND we are just not meant to be...

I will :
- teLL myself NoT to Look out for his cars on the road
- teLL myself nOt to thiNk of hiM
- teLL myseLf nOt be coNcern aBout hiM..Even if i know he is SiCk.. or he says he is depress

Hmm... have really worked hard to get over him..
i failed again when i received a call from him..

He thought he saw me in an Honda Odessey, and just called to check if it was me..
it really wasnt me... but he doesnt sound very convinced... Haiz~~ how to convince him??
Why must he makes such hurting remarks - " Hmm, ya maybe its not you.. why would you choose a Honda Odessey??" - although he then clarify saying Honda Odessey is meant for Older people to drive.. but this remark poked me...[ Did he actually mean i am materialistic? ] [ i only go for posh cars? ] IM AM REALLY NOT LIKE THAT... to me, a car is a car... i really dont care about branding of cars..i dont just go out with people with new posh cars.. no car also can lo..

Hear his voice just melt away the walls i've created/built to get over him...seeing him just destroy my hardwork...

I get so so worried knowing he is sick and depress... really hope to be there for him, but guess i will not be of any help.. maybe the person he need is not me at all..
Wanted to do something nice to surprise him, went to get him some nice cheesecake.. haiz, when i was on my way to deliver the cakes to him then i realize he is not at home already.. [ bad timing ] and he did not reply my sms if he wants to collect the cakes from me... hmm..im super sad when he didnt reply my sms.. went all out just to get him the cakes, hoping it may cheer him a little..i guess its useless for me to do all that... maybe it adds on to his stress and depression..

I will start rebuilding the wall once again.. this time should be faster..wish him all the best..
i will still really still miss him... if only my mind / brain is like a computer..delete..and empty the recycle bin.. then i will be a truly happy gal...

I am convinced no matter what i do .. he will no longer turn his heart towards me..hmmz..really dont know what is he depressed about.. really would like to be there when he is sick or depress..Useless to think that way now...

2006-01-15T18:11:00.000+08:00

Bryan's Honda Odessey.... fRom me!! hee...

2006-01-15T18:10:00.000+08:00

Okie.. the Not sO wHite me...

2006-01-15T18:09:00.000+08:00

My piGGy..

2006-01-15T18:08:00.001+08:00

Bryan with my WHite piGGy.. taKen Last week~

2006-01-15T18:08:00.000+08:00

My White PiGGy finaLLy has CompaNioN.. a BLack piGGY!! hee...

2006-01-15T18:06:00.000+08:00

Me & Bryan... he saYS i lOOk Like a GHOST..sO White..so Fair... * Shit him riTe??*

2006-01-15T18:05:00.000+08:00

aLL the fLowers iVe reCeived last yeaR.. sWeet sweet MemorieS

2006-01-15T17:31:00.000+08:00

Just came back from the NTU admission talk with Bryan.. hearing their average GPA is 3.5.. i siaN already~~ HOw to get in with my lousy GPA?? ... anyway, i will just continue to try with my lousy GPA ba...I dont wanna miss another chance already.. if i fail, at least i tried..

As usual, Nice Bryan gotta give me morning call to wake me up.. and he gave me an hour of preparation time before coming to pick me up... heh.. in the end, i still made him wait ** Sorry!!**..In return, treat his lunch @ Crystal Jade.. hMm.. the fOOd is So So..alright to Me..

I wanted to get a Nokia handsfree for a friend..thanks Bryan for walking with me to HeLLo..M1 then cross over to Bugis Village to look for those aH Bengs Shop hoping to find it...To my dissapointment, None of the 3 places we went has it... So Nice Bryan drove me to Wheelocks to get the handsfree..although he is rushing for time to get home open door for his sis and head for his scoccer after that...

While walking back from Bugis Village to Parco to get his car.. i accidentally kicked on Bryan's shoe.. DOnt know what kind of shoe he got..so hard~~ It hurts quite badly, not long after .. i realised my toe is bleeding~~ i was OMG~~ didnt know its so bad...Think i frighten poor Bryan.. coz i blame his shoe~~ hehe...went to his car..got tissue and water to stop the bleeding.. My poor toes got kicked for 2 consecutive days..yesterday- my toe nail got chipped off..today -it bled!! hmmz... ** My toes must be cursing and swearing for having such a sOtong owner**

Yesterday .. worked till around 4pm... though i should know off at 1pm~~ No choice, tons of work waiting for me to complete... After that, i went out with my darling,Jessyca... hee.. she had to get her phone.. while i need to do some shopping... met up with her friend,Chris as well... Chris is quite a nice guy, can ta han shopping with us...n' he doesnt mind at all...
Hmm.. 2 new possession - 2 new tops.. nice~~
After shopping, went to Rocky Master to have a drink and to rest our legs...Jess & I were bored. came our with a few suggestions:
(1) Get a rOOm..bathe.. relax and talk...
(2) Go Mustafa..buy BBQ items and head to ECP to BBQ...
(3) Go watch a Movie and buy in lOtsa junk fOods to munch...
(4) Go party...

In the end, Jess went to meet up with her friend, while i head home to zZzz... No suggestion was taken up...

Really feeling very tired this few days... very tired with work..very tired personally...very tired with him ( as in trying to get him out of my mind ) ...
Is it so hard to hear the truth?? Why so difficult to say a YES or NO?? Why complicate stuffs?? Why confuse yourself??
There's too many players in the field already~~Playboys indeed... They SUX!!!

Having said so much, i had a good day afterall~~ :)

2006-01-11T22:44:00.000+08:00

nOw is 10.45pM... anD i just got home frOm work... hMMz.... busy busy day~~ now there is this fear in me.. fearing i would not be able to meet my deadlines.. many quaterly accounts to do.. plus there are 2 new yearly accounts.. and this month there quite a number of immigration cases, for that i would not be in the office...
Really need to focus fully in my work now.. cannot afford to slack for im really rushing against time.. not much time left..10 days to complete 8 companies accounts... most of the 8 are quaterly accounts... Lord, Please grant me strength~~

Today met my client at 7.30am... Thank U Bryan~~ for being so nice to give me Morning call~~.. very puntual morning call~~ really appreciate it... On my way to the immigration, i got picked up by a man..should be in his late twenties or early thirties ba... He gave me a very lame excuse when he came approach me...he asked " If we know each other? have we met before?? " I replied " NO" and left quickly, he came chasing after me and gave me a handshake and say, why not now be friends?? then we will know each other already lo!!... i was like " diAoz~~ excuse me, im in a hurry~~ " and walked even faster... he followed behind and ask if he could have my number... just felt very funny~~ i would be a lunatic if i gave him my number, i dont know if i sound rude, but said a big " NO, i dOnt want to..and walked off... "
Anyway, today's case is very smooth sailing...very glad whenever my client case is done without any problem.. it gives me a sense of satisfaction~~ ..

Yesterday was spring cleaning day... Pretty shocked with the amount of rubbish we wanna throw... My room alone, i used up 7 - 8 black thrash bags.. my room feels lighter now.. not so packed, but still untidy.. We were unable to throw all the thrash at once, my mum says we gotta split the thrash in to at least 4 days for the cleaner to clear..or they wouldnt want to clear for us..
Very very tiring day...but at least i had a good dinner at the end of the day... had Anpang Niang Tou Fu @ Katong with my 2 elder sis... had a nice meal, nice chat...

My left ear hurts like crazy, my left side of my skull hurts too.. it feels as if there is this very big needle poking inside my skull.. feeling quite terrible, till today~~ Dont really know whats the problem... hope its nothing serious...

Ohh i forgot to blog about my dinner outing on monday.. I had a yummy dinner @ Fish & Co ( Wheellocks) .. with Bernie, Jac, Aloy, Guo wei, Bernie's 3 other friends and his whole family... Had my Fav dish @ Fish & Co - Seafood Platter for 2~~
Outside Fish & Co, there is this toy shops that has many many " Ti Kum , Ti Kum machines.." among the whole lots of machine, i got myself a HP chain cum screen cleaner.. hee, and whats more exciting is i got the "Ah PEk design" which i want.. Thanks to Aloy magic touch~~
very cute, now attached to my HP.. wonder how long this HP chain would last on my HP.. i dont have the habit to hang accessories on my HP.. very ma fan~~
After dinner, wanted to go Balcony to chill.. however, when we reach the destination car park, we decided to go KTV instead.. sO, headed to KBox to sing~~ saw my dearest Natalie there...
Had a good time singing.. venting my anger, sadness, etc etc... till i got slight sore throat...
By right our session should end at 2.30am.. however by 1am.. most of our battery for the day is running real low.. so we decided to leave early~~ Bernie & guys sent me home 1st.. as im the only one staying in the east~~ hee, Bernie is another nice driver i know.. my good friend...

I think i should be firm, but its just hard for me to do that... whenever i set my heart to get over, he will call... Im wondering why.. really... i do not know if i should listen and believe his words, or believe my own feelings, my own instinct... the reasons he give me, its hard to believe, and i try to believe...argh~~

2006-01-08T18:20:00.000+08:00

Elizabethtown - this movie is Super..Ultimate Boring~~I rate this movie a "0" star!!!
Caught this movie with my 2 elder sis, my younger brother and his girlfriend... Siblings gathering...
Yesterday outing, i only enjoy the journey thru and fro.. So much laughters in the car... very fun~and the enjoyment of eating Mc Donald's in the cinema...Sad thing is we finish the food before the movie starts...
I struggled thru the movie.. sit all kinds of possible positions to try make myself comforable to watch the movie.. my butt aches after the movie.. my elder sis says she yawn throughout the movie till her jaws nearly dislocate..My younger brother slept...haha...
The moment the movie ends, i clapped my hands..* finally..happy* all 5 of us walked towards the exit, we just cant wait to leave the place..
While walking to our car, we were all blaming my 2nd sis, cloris to recommending us this bOring movie... We all didnt dare to initiate to leave halfway through the movie, fearing my 2nd sis will be angry,waste her $$ ... ( i thought im the only naughty one..who knows all of us thinks this way.. haha)

Enough of the movie...
** Breakfast outing **
This morning, i woke up feeling quite moody.. for he did not call me, even though he says he will...
However, i felt better when we hold our sibling gathering again.. haha.. we went breakfast together... thats super duppa rare~~ .. we went to eat the famous beach road prawn noodles.. *Yummy* I believe its the companion that makes the breakfast nice.. spending time to have a good meal with my loved ones..held our siblings meeting also.. haha, elder sis held a disciplinary meeting with us...

** Go view Condo Savannah with Bernie**
After our meal, got home... receive a call from Bernie asking me if i wanna accompany him to view house.. i was like " View what?? House?? that sounds so interesting~~ His dad ask him to go check out this condo @ Simei...
Bernie came pick me up.. throughout the journey he was complaining about how far the condo is.. He doesnt like to stay in the east... he feels that it is very pack~~ very cramp.. ( Evil thought : Hope he does move to the east.. so that i will have another best pal in the east.. hehe...)
The condo is nice.. feels very " Safari" see giraffes, elephants..etc...
Its my 1st time viewing a condo..very interesting..very fun.. very great feeling.. the showroom is nicely decorated..how i wish i can stay in that place in future... The real estate agent is quite good, at least he did not give us a slip short presentation..
We visited2 units.. the Penthouse unit and the groundfloor unit.. CooL~~ toO bad it was raining and so we didnt step out to the penthouse.
The rooms are nice.. but i feel its a little small...super ex~~ penthouse unit $ 1.1 million..

Finally Bernie can talk properly from tomorrow onwards.. yeah ~~ looking forward to have a feast with him and the rest( Aloy & Guo wei ).. celebrate him able to eat solid food once again.. Poor him, only able to drink soup ( Clear soup ) as he cannot open his mouth.. had jaw operation..

Came home..indulge myself in ice cream - Ben & Jerry Strawberry cheesecake.. Yummy~~ just need to make myself happy.. i realise my house has lotsa junk food now.. after indulging in the ice cream.. i proceed to eating plums ( from shanghai ) .. ate Ruffles, 1 whole bag with my daddy , Pork floss love letters roll ( from Thailand ). gummy sweets.. etc..
Now stomach is full.. but i still feel like eating ~~

He gave me hope, he dash my hope the very next day.. why like that?? Its tormenting.. i give up,im leaving ..

2006-01-07T22:48:00.000+08:00

I am a impatient..short temper person..
I hate the agony of waiting..
I believe im quite a expressive person, i want my feelings be known..whatever feelings im feeling..I cannot hide ~~ I feel i will explode if i keep too many in me... I share my joy, i share ,my troubles...

Hmmmz... im a walking zombie today.. far too tired, lack of sleep~~
Just woke up from an hour long nap... woken up by Kelvin's call... he ask me for a favour and i did. Though my help is not of much help, just hope it helps him a little....
Just feel im cruel/ foolish... there's the someone waiting for you at your doorstep - You close the door ,, Instead you choose to wait at another person doorstep whom you are not sure when he is opening the door for you.. or maybe will not open..

Im going for siblings gathering real soOoon.. watching a movie - Elizabethtown @ tampines... Though im real sleepy and not in the mood to go... i still agreed.. at least its a event where my 2 sis and my brother .. full siblings attendance outing... Hope the movie is nice..

Please return the person call when you say you will.. dont give the person a false hope.. dont make a person wait for something which you dont intend to do..SUcky feeling~~
I HATE PEOPLE WHO DONT MEAN THEIR WORDS... DONT KEEP THEIR PROMISES...

will blog more later

2006-01-05T22:42:00.000+08:00

I really thank God i have a friend like Jessyca... she is the sweetest~~
While i am blogging, i am indulging myself in my ice cream therapy with additional sweetness + thoughtfulness + Ai xin from Jessyca...
Knowing that i am really down, she actually got Mc Flurry + 1 Strawberry Sundae delivered to my house... i aM so So touched~~ * if only he was a guy, i guess i would fall head over toes with her* , but im super blessed to have a friend like her..

didnt intend to blog..but just wanna capture this very sweet event down..
There's an additional note by her .. im still hesistating wanna write down.. but its a personal note just for me ba...very heartwarming ~

the past few days i really cannot sleep well.. i wake up every now and then.. i feel down the moment i wake up, its hard for me to energise myself.. everything is just so down.. No matter how much positive self talk i give myself, no matter how i scold myself to wake up.. I just feel damn useless.. No glow.. Im in my super ugly state.. I cannot let my mind control my heart, i cannot move on..I feel that im not moving at all..
Im tired of trying to get over him, im tired of thinking of him, im tired of crying, im tired of telling myself to be happy, im tired of telling myself to be strong.. im tired of scolding myself..im tired of stopping myself from missing him..im tired .. really tired.. ( sound very negative rite?? so weak.. so useless.. very disgusted with myself actually )
It feels worse when i know my dad got into a car accident, my parents quarrel once again - cold war now... it just makes me .......

my heart just ache.. it hurts..

Lotsa thoughts and questions flowing through my mind.. lotsa doubts..

This is indeed a lesson learned in a hard way.. Perhaps i was really tooo mean in the past... I will caution myself not to ever bring myself to such a situation again... having said all these, i only blame myself for all that i am feeling now.. im not absolutely not angry with him.. No reasons to blame or be angry with him at all... ( Instead perhaps he might question why and how on earth did i fall for him?? he might be more puzzled than me )

No doubt im tired, but i will still continue to pray... if not for the strength i got from praying, i guess i would have shut myself totally.. Really thank God for his strength.. everything that i am going through now.. for i know i will be a stronger person after this...

Its must be quite irritating to those people who have been reading my blog... must be thinking what the fXXk this person is thinking?? one moment so +ve...one moment so -ve... one moment sound so strong.. one moment sound so ToFu...is she Ga gA already?? hMmm... perhaps im irrational...
Many things is easier said than done ba...i thought i could do it, but i realise im too weak to go through this all by myself..

actually wanted to blog about my outing with Bryan and post my piggy and his new "car" up...but perhaps another day ba.. the pic still inside my mobile.. havent load them into my com yet..

Finally no more stock take.. complete my 2 days of stock take.. its a nice experience..

2006-01-03T09:31:00.000+08:00

Back with my new year resolutions...
Have been giving some serious thoughts about them... lotsa of them, and sad to say most of them need $$$ ~~ haiz~~ how i wish there's really a plant that grows money.. i will definately use 101% of tender loving care (TLC) on this precious plant of mine.. hehehe...

(1) Learning Driving.... I wanna learn, definately wanna learn... for a few reasons..I will feel more independent once i have a driving license... Dont wanna be chaffeured around..dont wanna be labelled " Michelle, destined to be chaffeured around... Gu-niang learn for what???/ dont need to learn how to drive la....etc..etc"
I want the license, so that it would be easier for girls nite out... hehe...
Some guys/man just feel highly of themselves once they have a driving license...its worse when they have their own car... their ego expand 1001 times~~ and they start to feel highly of themselves...I dont want a guy to come pick me and try "ya-ya papaya" with me or worse, think i ask them out just because they can drive... I just dont like this fact!!! Not saying all my friends are like that.. I've got very nice and really good guys friends that are not Howlian drivers... people like... Bryan, Joswara, Patrick..very humble friends of mine... they drive, they're fun to be with..they dont how lian the fact they drive...

(2) Study Plan.... for this i gotta wait till february before i blog anything further...

(3) Learn Dancing...Yup Yup.. feel like learning dancing... watched Rain concert... OMG~~~~ he is damn damn Good... DrOOOL~~~... he is tall..cute..can dance... just able to charm his way through.... He inspired my brother to wanna take up dancing... me too, thought why not go learn too... ( Rain, he is just so so so charming~~ OMG!! he is not handsome...but he has something that can draws people attention to him.. His Cuteness ba.. the way he smiles... )

(4) Be more serious ... More effort to be put into my parents' office matters... Just feel that i slack my way through my parents company's matter in 2005... not serious @ work there.. Hmm.. Not a good sign.. i will improve on that, will spent more time there...

(5) Pamper myself... Okie, i have been pampering myself for the past 21 years.. i will continue to pamper myself with only the necessary this year... Not allowing myself to be emotionally hurt is also a form of pampering rite??

(6) Do what i have said...mean what i say... Very often we just talk only, easier said than done. But i think shouldnt do that.. I must mean what i say, or in future, no one will believe my words already, no creditability...

(7) Bad habits to be removed....To DO:
- Concentrate in talking to 1 person at a time...especially on the phone... I shall not divert my attention to anyone else but just the person im on the phone with, unless really necessary.
- To practice self-discipline.
- Eat healthily...Didnt have a very healthy body in 2005...so gotta try to build a healthier me..

Hmmm... the weekend has been quite a long wan... My eyes is still swollen till now, i dont know what is happening... argh~ havent been sleeping well also.. not a very good sign... will definately wake up at intervals...I know i promised Bryan to visit the doc. but i havent, i will do that real soon if im not getting any better... I am slowly getting better, My cough is getting better..My voice is still coarse, but definately better than last week..

so so fast, on the radio i am hearing CNY songs already.. hehe... Sooon CNY is coming... CNY doesnt seem that exciting anymore...
Heard that those born in the year of the Rat would have quite a smooth sailing year... everything seems fine... I just hope that its true... really would like a better year...

Also dont know when did Jessyca and I got along so well... She is my darling friend...Really gotta thank her for being with me whenever i needed her... Thank U, dearie...** Muacks** Thank U for talking senses into me..and patiently talking me round... I wake up already~

Should be meeting Bryan later.. for movie... i havent watched movie on a weekday for a long long time... hehe.. Hope he doesnt mind talking to a lady who sounds "man" haha...maybe he had gotten used to it... haa, for i met up with him on Friday, to ECP( Its hard to find a spot to watch stars nowadays) ... had a nice chit chat session with him...he had Horlick, while i had Teh Alia...where i cannot taste/smell the ginger at all..

Another thing i feel like going is some vocal training.. hee, so that i will know how to use my voice appropriately to approach most situation..know how to control my voice..how i sound... i have to admit to the fact that i have a kiddy,childish voice... so i gotta do something about it, so that people will take me seriously.. and not be pushed around at times, just because i sound soft.
( Hmm.. but the course is quite ex.. so gotta put in my KIV list first... )

Met my auntie who came back to visit us and to spend CNY here... my youngest cousin has grown up.. how time flies... She is now rounder taller than me...I was like....* Jaw drop*.. Feel inferior to stand beside her.. so much taller than me, but so much younger than me.. Hmm, whatever la.. its nothing wrong to be short..small built... born like that, nothing much i can do about it..

It's gonna be a better year for me... gotta be better... :) 2006!!

2006-01-01T13:48:00.001+08:00

My Xmas gift from my Boss.. From Disneyland Hong Kong.. ThriLLed~~ comfy~~ .. will be ideal to place in my car ( if i have ,, haha )

2006-01-01T13:48:00.000+08:00

Xmas gift from my best colleague, Irene... An apple shape cushion and a book mark~

2006-01-01T13:47:00.000+08:00